Becoming a Mam: What No One Prepared Us For
As you may know, a number of us here at Coffee With Cerys HQ are Mothers. Cerys and Jenny both have 2.5-year-olds (fun fact: they’re only 3 days apart), Beth has an almost 2-year-old, and Charlie has a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, and one on the way! We’ve all got a few years of experience, but it’s also still fresh in our minds. The group chat has been filled with chat about what we would have liked to have known before having children and what we have learnt since - so obviously we decided to make it into a blog post.
Here is a completely honest, no info off limits list of things.
Beth:
I would’ve liked to have known...
When babies are over-tired they don’t just ‘fall asleep’, and that it's actually really hard to get a baby to sleep when they are super tired
How much you change as a person, in good ways, like I think I’m more confident and happier in myself since having Georgia, but also how your social life changes and your friendship circle changes
Charlie:
I would have liked to know…
Agree with the social circle bit in terms of different people coming into your life because of the kids in a good way.
People say that you "bounce back" but I wish someone had told me that it’s okay to not "bounce back" and you're on your own journey to "rediscover " this new you. It's okay to feel like you're having an identity crisis
The amount of admin you have
The mum guilt you'll feel when you have time to yourself to do something for you and not them
How lonely motherhood can feel even, though there are loads of mums out there
When the child is born it’s okay not to feel instant love - people said to me ‘oh you'll love them straight away’ ect, but I didn't get that
The first wee and poo after labour… how no one tells you how you feel like your insides are going to fall out from under you
Jenny:
I've learnt;
The more you stop trying to do what society tells you is right, the happier and easier parenting becomes. Even now I still have epiphanies where I do something that isn't the 'norm' because I think it works better for our family dynamic, and I kick myself for not doing it sooner!
The newborn contact nap traps are the most incredible thing you'll ever experience, soak them in and enjoy binge watching whatever you want and eating snacks off your sleeping baby's head because once they stop, you will look back and see how pure bliss they are and miss them like crazy
Matrescence (a word I only discovered this week) is such a real and valid experience. Read up on it and know that everything that makes you feel like you're not the same as you were before motherhood is because you are literally not the same person you were before motherhood. You've biologically changed as a human and that's proper cool and magical No one expects teenagers going through puberty to come out the other side like a child again so why expect yourself to come out the other side of pregnancy, birth and early motherhood as the same person you were before?!
If you want to use screens to keep yourself sane for 5 minutes of the day then bloody do it! Don't listen to the people who want to shame you and tell you you're rotting their brain because as a teacher of 5 year olds, the amount of tech and screens we use in primary schools now means kids needs to know how to find their way around an iPad and believe me I can tell which kids have anti-screen parents because they're the ones who ask me twenty times a day where the unlock button is and that rots my brain
When it comes to birthing, do not let anyone tell you where/how/when/why you should birth a certain way. It's your body, and no other human gets a say on what you do with it. If your midwife/ doctors try to book you in for anything you don't want, tell them to F-off and blame it on the hormones xoxo
Cerys:
If you’ve had a cesarean and are yet to have a poo and you discover a large, hard lump below your belly along your pubic line…yeah, that’s where it is.
A cesarean is quite literally major surgery, and you are expected to just get on with it and care for your child, but that doesn’t mean that you need to suffer in silence.
You will learn so much about yourself and your partner. Remember that you’re a team and not battling against each other.
Having bottles of water and snacks in your most frequented rooms will save you when you end up nap-trapped or with a toddler who doesn’t want you to leave the room.
My fella said I should say endurance because our 2.5-year-old has never had a solid night’s sleep (and therefore, neither have I), yet I still get up each day with the focus of being the best Mam I can be.
I also want to reiterate Jenny’s point 5 - Not all hospital policies follow what’s actually “best” for you as a birth-giver. Use your strength and knowledge to stand up for yourself (this is something I will be stronger with next time).
Do you relate to any of these? Have something extra you’d like to add? Come chat with us over on Instagram!
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As you may know, a number of us here at Coffee With Cerys HQ are Mothers. Cerys and Jenny both have 2.5-year-olds (fun fact: they’re only 3 days apart), Beth has an almost 2-year-old, and Charlie has a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, and one on the way! We’ve all got a few years of experience, but it’s also still fresh in our minds. The group chat has been filled with chat about what we would have liked to have known before having children and what we have learnt since - so obviously we decided to make it into a blog post.